Thor Hardsteak
Contributing Editor
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Hey! Listen up you Nancygirls. Here’s the story of Thor Hardsteak . In some countries, he’s known as St. Tremendous. Which countries? Man, you ask a lot of questions. Well, I’ve got a question for you. Why don’t you mind your own before Hardsteak gives you the business end of a big boot?!
Hardsteak was born holding an American flag on a pole, which tore his mom in two. He then sewed her back up when he was only 4 minutes old! Sure, he types sometimes but does manly things so he doesn’t get those soft girly hands that you hold kittens with. Oh, and he shaves with a buck knife. One time he cut half of his face off while shaving. Through sheer will and grunting, he grew it back in a half-hour.
Hardsteak is a man's man. That doesn't mean he belongs to a man (possessive participles and all). That means he knows what it takes to be a man. It takes self-respect, self-reliance, a little self-abuse, and being able to be self-secure in your sexuality. That means he knows it's ok to have a man-crush on someone and not be afraid to admit it. You got a problem with that? Then you can take it up with his right cross and headbutt combination he calls the “Complaint Department”.
Chuck Brock
Contributing Editor
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Chuck brings a lot to the table: knife, fork, and bottle of Red Rooster. He revels in the unique, has a pension for the profound, and thrives on other’s suffering. He was once touted as the “Meanest Bastard East of the Mississippi” (Newsweek, June 2007). He drinks Brawndo whenever he gets the chance and loves to win at yelling. When he’s not serving fools on X-Box Live, Chuck enjoys perusing the Harbor Freight catalog in search of sharp objects. He has a passion for crushed velvet and kittens, seriously. When asked about his mysterious past, he answers simply: “Monticello”
Born in small-town Pennsylvania during the year of the Tiger, Chucks’s parents originally named him Megatron, but quickly decided to change it to something less imposing when they noticed how awesome he was. Chuck joined the Army at the ripe old age of 17, and traveled the world wearing bellbottoms…wait, I mean combat boots. He now works as a network engineer, and spends most of his time on YouTube searching for Mrs. Right; seriously look her up, she makes awesome brownies. He also enjoys contributing a small portion of his superiority to The Bromance.
Wasp
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Dear Readers,
I was born unto a family of wealth and privilege. My mother was a child of nature who could cook an excellent plum pudding; my father, the Queen's Lord from Worcester-on-Strathmore. I spent my younger years in the home kingdom attending school, regular cricket matches and playing football. At the tender age of 16, I graduated primary and was ready for University. Unlike my boyhood friends, I knew that my future did not lay in the confines of the British Empire, but instead in the former British Territory now know as the United States. To the dismay of my loving parents, I boarded a steamship bound for New York. I unfortunately boarded the wrong ship and after 3 weeks of travel, ended up in the African port city of Zanzibar. Having lost all of my money to a clever Irishman I was foolish enough to play poker with, I was in British East Africa with no money and no way of getting to the United States. So I did what any other self respecting Briton would do. I went to the British Consulate, telegraphed my father, Lord Mayflower, and had him send me money so I could book passage to America. I was back on the high seas within 2 weeks aboard the RMS Oceanic. My 2 weeks waiting for passage was spent photographing local wild life and culture:
The Mighty African Elephant
I kill my first Rhino
Upon getting to America, I immediately begin to look for work and was able to get a job as a publishers apprentice at the well known U.S. magazine, Harper's Bazaar. After 2 years of publishing apprenticeship, I was promoted to junior reporter for men's fashions where I made quite a name for myself writing on the trends of New York's wealthy class. It is rumored that my extensive reporting on the top hat and monocle craze heavily influenced Planters Peanuts creation of Mr. Peanut. The money I made working for Harper's Bazaar enabled me to finally attend University. I graduated Vix Obduco, and with degree in hand, headed out to make my mark on the publishing world. I spent many years writing for and contributing to such periodicals as the Journal of Experimental Medicine, Horse and Hound, New Humanist, and a brief editorial role at Collier's Weekly. Now, looking to take my reputation and many National Magazine Awards for "Excellence in the Reporting of All Things Important to Those Who Live in Civilized Society", I turn my energies to the blog know as "Here's to the Bromance". I look forward to contributing to such an interesting topic.
Cherio,
Wasp "Cecil" Mayflower
Contributing Editor
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